Showing posts from May, 2016

A Journal of infant loss - part 3

May 26, 2000
Samuel Wallis Burlando came to visit us at 8:04 pm.  God gave us over an hour to show our love to him, before he quietly slipped from Daddy's arms into Jesus arms.  We will always love you Samuel, our tiny precious son.

May 29, 2000

I'm so glad it's a long weekend. Mom and Dad just left this morning. Nathanael and I are alone now which is nice but I think we may find it hard now with no distractions. It's been so nice having my family here. By a miracle they made it in plenty of time to help me through labor and be there to witness Samuels short life. Praise God.  There were many other friends and family that got to see and hold him too. It's nice to have so much support and love shown to us.

My labor was an odd one. After we went to the hospital Thurs. night I had only dilated to 2cm. So they gave me something to help me sleep and we decided to try to go home and get some sleep. I was so stoned and I slept for about 2 hrs. I woke up in horrible pain.…

A Journal of Infant Loss - Part 2

April 11, 2000

I'm feeling Samuel move with more strength everyday. Sometimes he makes my whole stomach move. I'm not feeling very well today. I'm coming down with a cold or something. It's such a sunny day that I should go out walking or something but all I feel like doing is taking a nap. I wonder how big you are right now? It would be cool to know how much you weighed.

April 16, 2000

I was reading "I'll hold you in Heaven" and it explained a lot of things like when life begins and a baby's eternal existence. Every baby conceived is a spiritual being at conception even if it doesn't have a life span outside the womb.  God knows the days of our lives and nothing comes as a surprise to him. My son may not know a normal life span, as we know it, but he still is a human being conceived in my body that will live eternally.  We don't get a chance to know him now but someday we will see all that he was created to be. After reading that book I have …

A journal of infant loss - part 1

16 years ago today I held my first child in my arms.  Today is also the anniversary of his death. 

He had been diagnosed with Trisomy 18 halfway through my pregnancy.  The term used by medical professionals to describe our son was "not compatible with life".  Those horrible words have been seared into my heart since that day.  I despise them because even though our sons life was short, it was still a life.  His life may not have been what every parent hopes for their child but he was definitely compatible with love.

This afternoon I dug out an old pregnancy journal that had been stuck away in storage and began to read it.  This is where it begins...

April 2, 2000

I bought this journal today because I want to record this pregnancy.  I want to be able to look back at this time in our lives and remember the time I spent with my baby. I am now 25wks pregnant.

I am feeling you moving all the time now.  Each week the thought of loosing you becomes more unbearable. Some days I think I…

Spring Catch up

It's been a while.
Someday my blog may be less neglected and more filled with life but this is not that season I expect.
For now it will just remain on life support.  If you have been patient enough to stay tuned...thankyou.

Life is crazy certifiably cray cray lately.  On the move 24 hours a day meeting one need after another, putting out the fires that come with parenting 7 children, as well as  keeping up with the endless supply of appointments, meals, homework, housework, laundry and child shuttling.  Some days it feels like I can't tread water fast enough to keep my head up, like any extra little thing might be what sinks the ship.  Like stomach flu.  Which we have had twice in our house in the last two months, along with a winter filled with an unusual amount of colds and flus.  I know this season of sleepless nights, spit up, spilled food, and not being able to shower with out strategy and the stars aligning, will end.  Babies and toddlers grow up fast. 
I don't wa…