Showing posts from January, 2011

Icky feelings

I'm in a funk today.  I can't even blame it on pms.  Nope, it's all mine to claim and muck through.

Discouraged- check
Overwhelmed - check
Annoyed- check
Afraid - check
Angry - check
Frustrated - double check
Inadequate - triple check
Sad - check

I think I'll stop there.

Sometimes being a mom feels overwhelming.  The huge responsibility.  The constant needs.  The million and one ways to screw it up.  I had one of those days where I woke up not really wanting to parent today.  I went through the motions, did my duty but it felt slightly forced.  I guess that's what love is, loving even when you're not really feeling overwhelmed by the feeling of it...or are down right irritated by it.  Sometimes I just want to be selfish and occasionally I resent the fact that people need me.  At the same time I love that people need me! The paradox of parenting.

  On another note.  Disgust and disappointment with  human nature overwhelms me.   Stupidity and ignorance astounds …

If we can't live on a beach...

We'll bring the beach to us.
                                        The boys room has a new coat of paint and a new look.   We changed it from the 'Farm' themed room (that I painted when Roman was a baby 7 years ago) to this Caribbean Adventure/ pirate themed room.   There isn't anything new in the room except for blue paint and the parrots which my parents brought home from Haiti last year. Other than the base coat of paint it didn't require any money ...just some time and left over cans of paint.
The time it took is the reason the rest of my house looks sadly neglected.   Mommy was hiding in the bedroom pretending she didn't have children for hours at a time. 

Due to technical difficulties...more pictures to come.   

Whats my idol?

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not life up his soul to an idol..."  Psalm 24:3-4
 I would be the first to volunteer that God is the first in my life, my everything, but if I search deeper and reflect longer I find a whole lot of undealt with idols.  Things that define me, comfort me, and control me other than Christ.

This is the prayer of my heart lately.
Search me and know my heart O God.   Make me smaller and you bigger.  Overwhelm me until I am consumed completely.

"A careful reading of the old and New Testament shows that idolatry is nothing like the crude, simplistic picture that springs to mind of an idol sculpture in some distant country.  As the main category to describe unbelief, the idea is highly sophisticated, drawing together the complexities of motivation in individual psychology, the social environment, and also the unseen world.  Idols are not just on pagan alters, but in…

What learning looks like

This is a glimpse of what learning looks like in our house.  After growing up in a conventional classroom setting and 4 years of having my own kids in public school it's been a big of a challenge to wrap my mind around what learning at home looks like.   I have to regularly remind myself that we are not recreating school at home, we are learning together.  One comment we have heard quite frequently is that primary education is not so much about learning but about learning how to function in a classroom setting.  That confuses me a bit.  I always assumed that education was about about learning new things, learning how to learn, and learning to love to learn.  Whether that happens to be in a classroom, at a kitchen table or in the top of a tree.

After 4 months we are just starting to really find our groove.  We have done a lot of experimenting with routine,  structure and even curriculum. It's taken a lot of trial and error but I think we are finally feeling like this is a natu…

10 months

My little sunshine girl is now ten months old.   She is a smiley, joyful  little butter-ball that has us all wrapped around her chubby little fingers.  She is generous with her giggles which is a good thing because we all love to make her laugh.  Shamelessly.  Big sister and brothers dote on her, fight over who she loves most, and help to entertain and watch her.  The extra sets of eyes and arms are especially useful now that she is an efficient mover.  She is thrilled to have discovered how to crawl.  It makes chasing the other kids, or finding her favorite guy that much easier.  
I am so thankful for this little blessing.  I smooch her squishy cheeks and wonder what I did to deserve such a precious gift.  She rests her head on my shoulder and sings along as I rock her and I whisper a prayer of gratitude that I have this time to spend with her.
As the one year mark approaches I feel more like we've come so far.  When the possibility of adoption was laid on the table last summer …

My baby is 4!! How did that happen?

Today we celebrated 4 years of Silas! Spongebob square pants style. 

My first time trying homemade marshmallow fondant.  It was surprisingly easy.  My party planner extraordinaire Aili and I decorated our dining room in ocean colors of aqua , green and Spongebob yellow.  

 One of my goals this year is to do a better job with my kids Birthday parties/ cakes.  I have made a couple memorable cakes over the years but usually it's last minute,  unprepared and nothing very fun.  I'm not a big fan of huge birthday bashes.  Call me a party pooper but entertaining a house full of kids jacked up on sugar is not my idea of a good time.  Mostly we do low key, invite the grandma and grandpa, maybe 1 or 2 friends kind of parties.  Today we had some close friends over who's son happens to be Silas best bud.  It worked out great.  Aili was thrilled to entertain the boys with party games while we visited.  Thats my kind of party.
I put a little more planning and effort into making this birthd…

I'm hibernating

Winter makes me a hermit.  That and the fact that I'm somewhat anti-social.  Other than my natural hermit tendencies I am hibernating  because I hate the cold.  When you live in the boonies going anywhere involves a lot of driving, which involves digging, and plugging in a block heater, and cold hands and cold carseats...
I prefer to remain indoors where my handy boy scout husband knows how to start a fire with a blow torch. 

Even though I am an inside girl, this son of mine is an outside boy.  He is adjusting to wearing clothing again.

It has been so COLD (-20 to -30 celcius) that going outside is not very appealing for any of us.
For the sake of maintaining sanity (both mine and his) and burning some energy (his) outside of my house he now has regular outside chores.  He does a LOT of shoveling...the driveway, the steps, the trampoline....and all his snow forts.  He is a digging machine.  Maybe I should start renting him out.

Roman likes to feel like a man doing manly jobs..not …

reminiscing and missing

This was my family 2 years ago at Silas' 2nd birthday party.   I'm still missing the sweet little boy on the right.
How, after 2 years , can my heart still break and tears still occasionally come to my eyes?  I've had kids longer, I've fallen in love with and said goodbye to babies...but this boy won't let me go.  Shouldn't I be "over him" by now?
It's not like I'm overcome by grief  or thoughts of this boy are constant...but like any kind of loss it comes like little unexpected waves, and memories.
He  crosses my mind almost daily lately.  Maybe because my little miss Cece is growing into toddlerhood and reminding me of him. They have similar racial heritage which might explain some similarities.   Maybe it's because the winter we had him (winter before last) was the last winter we spent  in Canada.  Cold weather, ice skating and playing in the snow are all bring back memories.  I pray for him each time he comes to mind...sometimes that…

"Pick your battles"

That is a very common phrase quoted by mothers everywhere.  Including ,on occasion, myself.  I have heard those words or some combination of them a lot in recent years.  Maybe because most people I know are also parents who are are overwhelmed, busy and too tired to do battle with their kids.  I know I feel like that most days.
I was thinking about this "I'm picking my battles" line today.

What issues and behaviors in our children should we "battle" and which ones should we avoid bringing to a head to head war?
Every decision, every choice, every minute of the day cannot be a constant battle of wills.  That will NOT work.  Strong willed children will see it as a challenge and compliant ones will get even eventually in more passive aggressive ways or outright rebellion in later years.

That being said...
As parents we must expect and hold our children accountable to a certain standard of behavior.   If we expect nothing from them they will give us exactly that.